well hello there.

well hello there.

I feel like I am always doing these “catch up posts.” I always get so wrapped up in school and the stress that it brings that I forget to actually write down how I am feeling and that is exactly why I started this whole blogging thing. Sometimes I genuinely miss writing, other times I feel like it is almost a waste of time. I know many people don’t read what I write but at times it feels like what if someone I actually know reads what I am writing, what if they see how I really feel and what is really going on in my head. That’s a very scary thought.

I do want to use this blog to help myself sort through some of the things that go on in my head on a daily basis and that is scary for me to do at times, simply because I am the type of person to bottle everything up and push it to the side and go on about my life like nothing is wrong. Wow, that is a jumbled up mess of a sentence.

But anyways, back on topic. I have been extremely anxious lately when I begin to think about life after graduation in December of this year. I’ll be an adult. Do I even know how to adult properly? Can I survive being an adult and having to pay bills and student loans? Just typing all of this out is making my chest heavy with anxiety. I wish it was easier, I wish I knew exactly what would happen after graduation but we aren’t given that opportunity. No one is able to look into the future and see what it holds for us. We have to take chances, we have to keep those around us that lift us up and not those who try to drag us down.

The friends I made in the last 7 months are the best people that I never knew I needed in my life. They have been with me when my anxiety and depression got so bad that I physically could not leave my bed without having an attack. They were with me when my best friend almost died and I thought if he died then I would be the next to go. They held me up, they loved me at my worst and for that I am forever grateful. I don’t think I would have made it through everything that I did without them by my side.

For now that is all I want to say, back to writing this paper for my Research class. Have a good day.

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An Open Letter to One Direction

An Open Letter to One Direction

I just want to start with a simple thank you. The last 5 years have been amazing, you have changed my life without knowing it. You have been here through the good and the bad. So once again I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You have done so much for me without even knowing it. From connecting me with the best friends I could have ever imagined to just being that shoulder to cry on. The music you have created over the last 5 albums have saved me more than you will ever know.

You have created this family that I never knew I would be able to have. You brought millions of us together while just being yourself and that is all I could ever ask for.

I met my best friend on Twitter because of you, and to this day I don’t know how I would survive days without her, so thank you.

I have been able to be myself more because of you and this family that has been created, I was always scared to do that because I didn’t want to be judged as that 22 year old who listens to One Direction, or that person who would fly to another state for 1 day just to see you live. But with the support of this family that has been created by you I don’t feel the pressure to be something I’m not and that is probably the best feeling in the world.

I feel like I am rambling like crazy because there is so much I want to say to you and I just don’t know how to put some of these emotions into words. It’s hard when you have that one group that has changed your life forever but they will never really understand that at all.

I know I talk about this family that was created because of you a lot. That is what I see most of us as. We are more than just fans of some band, we have come together to do amazing things, we are a family. Of course there are some crazies, but every family has that crazy uncle, that we have to put up with.

I don’t even know where this is going anymore, so I’ll leave this here, for you to read.

I hope you have a good week and please come back soon. I miss you more than you will ever know.