I feel like I am always doing these “catch up posts.” I always get so wrapped up in school and the stress that it brings that I forget to actually write down how I am feeling and that is exactly why I started this whole blogging thing. Sometimes I genuinely miss writing, other times I feel like it is almost a waste of time. I know many people don’t read what I write but at times it feels like what if someone I actually know reads what I am writing, what if they see how I really feel and what is really going on in my head. That’s a very scary thought.
I do want to use this blog to help myself sort through some of the things that go on in my head on a daily basis and that is scary for me to do at times, simply because I am the type of person to bottle everything up and push it to the side and go on about my life like nothing is wrong. Wow, that is a jumbled up mess of a sentence.
But anyways, back on topic. I have been extremely anxious lately when I begin to think about life after graduation in December of this year. I’ll be an adult. Do I even know how to adult properly? Can I survive being an adult and having to pay bills and student loans? Just typing all of this out is making my chest heavy with anxiety. I wish it was easier, I wish I knew exactly what would happen after graduation but we aren’t given that opportunity. No one is able to look into the future and see what it holds for us. We have to take chances, we have to keep those around us that lift us up and not those who try to drag us down.
The friends I made in the last 7 months are the best people that I never knew I needed in my life. They have been with me when my anxiety and depression got so bad that I physically could not leave my bed without having an attack. They were with me when my best friend almost died and I thought if he died then I would be the next to go. They held me up, they loved me at my worst and for that I am forever grateful. I don’t think I would have made it through everything that I did without them by my side.
For now that is all I want to say, back to writing this paper for my Research class. Have a good day.