It’s been awhile.

I haven’t posted here since March 29, 2017, over a year ago. A lot has happened in a year.

I was diagnosed with a General Anxiety Disorder in May 2017. I was accepted to participate in another Disney College Program in September 2017. I graduated with a degree in Communication in December 2017. I moved to Florida in January 2018. I have been working at Walt Disney World since January 26th. I am currently a Haunted Mansion Maid in the Magic Kingdom.

I have met so many amazing people here and some not so great. I have made friends that I will never forget. That is one thing that really sucks about the DCP, you meet these amazing people and after working with them for a few months, the odds of ever seeing them again are very small. Every time someone leaves the Mansion the tears start to fall and I realize how much it just sucks.

I have realized how much I suck at blogging and vlogging. I am extremely inconsistent, simply because I don’t think anyone will care about what I have to say.  I want to get better at it, I genuinely do because I think this could be some kind of outlet for when I am stressed or when I am going through an anxious period. I would like to better myself in so many ways.

It’s really hard sometimes to put down on paper what you want to say. So if it’s jumbled just know that this is coming straight from my brain to computer. I don’t want to edit things to make it seem like I have my life together, because we all know that is definitely not the truth.

All in all, wow that sounds like I’m writing some English paper that I definitely didn’t bullshit my way through. BUT ANYWAYS, I love each and everyone of you reading this. So there’s that. ALSO, if you have any topics you would like me to write about, let a girl know. Send me a DM, an email, an owl. hello Harry Potter.

Alright, back to the Disney bubble I go because home girl has to be at work at 11am tomorrow morning.

Mkay, Bye.

well hello there.

I feel like I am always doing these “catch up posts.” I always get so wrapped up in school and the stress that it brings that I forget to actually write down how I am feeling and that is exactly why I started this whole blogging thing. Sometimes I genuinely miss writing, other times I feel like it is almost a waste of time. I know many people don’t read what I write but at times it feels like what if someone I actually know reads what I am writing, what if they see how I really feel and what is really going on in my head. That’s a very scary thought.

I do want to use this blog to help myself sort through some of the things that go on in my head on a daily basis and that is scary for me to do at times, simply because I am the type of person to bottle everything up and push it to the side and go on about my life like nothing is wrong. Wow, that is a jumbled up mess of a sentence.

But anyways, back on topic. I have been extremely anxious lately when I begin to think about life after graduation in December of this year. I’ll be an adult. Do I even know how to adult properly? Can I survive being an adult and having to pay bills and student loans? Just typing all of this out is making my chest heavy with anxiety. I wish it was easier, I wish I knew exactly what would happen after graduation but we aren’t given that opportunity. No one is able to look into the future and see what it holds for us. We have to take chances, we have to keep those around us that lift us up and not those who try to drag us down.

The friends I made in the last 7 months are the best people that I never knew I needed in my life. They have been with me when my anxiety and depression got so bad that I physically could not leave my bed without having an attack. They were with me when my best friend almost died and I thought if he died then I would be the next to go. They held me up, they loved me at my worst and for that I am forever grateful. I don’t think I would have made it through everything that I did without them by my side.

For now that is all I want to say, back to writing this paper for my Research class. Have a good day.

Maybelline Better Skin Powder Review

*I was sent the Maybelline Better Skin powder in a VoxBox from Influenster.com for testing purposes, all opinions are mine.*

Once I received the product I couldn’t wait to try it! I was sent the Nude Beige color and it matched my skin quite well, which I was very surprised about. I love the packaging of the product, it is small enough to fit where needed but the mirror was also the perfect size to see where you are applying the make up.

While applying  the make up, all I could think was “wow this is good”, it covered all of the blemishes and dark circles under my eyes without having to use concealer!

The coverage was perfect, and I thought the product was absolutely perfect but then the area around my eyes started to itch and burn, I took the make up off because I thought it was irritating them which was weird since I had never had an reaction like this before. The next morning when I woke up with one eye swollen shut. I didn’t think that it was caused by the make up at first so I took some Benadryl and went about my day without wearing make up just so nothing else would irritate the area. A few days later it cleared up and I decided to try the product again, well it was definitely the make up that I was having a reaction to. I ended up having to go to the doctor about the allergic reaction and was put on a steroid pack. I am starting to feel better after being on the meds for a few days. I will not be using this product again.

 

*I received this product complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.*

 

Disney College Program Rewind

I can’t believe it has almost been a year since I checked into Vista Way for the first time.

It has been a whirlwind year but I would not change a single thing. I can say when I drove onto Disney property for the first time I was so nervous, I was about to meet the girls who I would live with for the next 5 months for the first time. I was 12 hours away from home, I was essentially alone minus all of the other DCPers who were doing this for the first time as well.

I met Kelsey and Savannah while we were in line to check in, and I didn’t know it at the time but these two girls along with Carolyn would make my College Program as memorable as it was. From late night talks about life, to Celebrating Roommate Day in a rainy Magic Kingdom, to waking up at God Awful o’clock just to go stand in the hot Florida sun to be a part of the Christmas Parade filming,  even the small arguments would have but then later get over. I would never change a single thing about the 5 months I spent with you three in Vista 2310.

Let’s talk about work. The College Program isn’t always about going to the parks 24/7. Yes, I did go to one of the four parks at least once a week, if not more just to play and have fun. Yes, a majority of the paycheck I received from Disney did go back to Walt Disney World in one way or another.

I was lucky enough to be placed in a role at Disney that I fell in love with. I spent my days in the Wild West in Frontierland (FUNtierland as the locals call it) as a Merchandise Cast Member in THE Magic Kingdom. I have been told that the people you work with at Disney will either make or break your program for you, for me it made it 200x’s better than I ever dreamed it would be, even those 14 hour shifts during the holiday’s when all I wanted was to be at home with my family. The other cast member’s I worked with were my family while I was there and to this day I still continue to feel as if those people are my family who I miss every single day. You know who you are, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this program amazing.

Would I recommend the Disney College Program to someone else? 100% yes. Is the Disney College Program for everyone? I honestly don’t know. Would I do it all over again? There isn’t a doubt in my mind. If I could drop everything right now, I would leave for Orlando and never look back. I definitely plan on doing another College Program in Spring of 2018 after I graduate from school.

I cannot wait until I have the chance to walk down Main Street U.S.A. again. Mickey I’ll see you soon, that is a promise.

 

“If you can dream it you can do it. Remember that this whole thing started with a dream and a mouse.” – Walt Disney

 

 

ZzzQuil Product Review

Some nights I have more trouble sleeping than others. If I have a more stressful day than normal or caffeine later in the day, I tend to have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I wanted to try ZzzQuil for awhile now but was kind of weary about it, just for the fact that sleep aids scare me a bit.

I was sent a free sample of ZzzQuil last week to try for testing purposes so I figured why not give it a shot? Well let me just say, this product is amazing, I had had a pretty stressful day at work, so I knew it would be a long night, or so I thought.

After taking the sample of ZzzQuil, I was asleep withing 30 minutes. I was able to sleep the entire night without waking up once. The next morning I woke up feeling refreshed and feeling like I was ready to take on the day. I will definitely buy this product the next time I go to the store!

If you have trouble sleeping, like I do, I would definitely recommend this product for you.

Have a great week!!

 

**This product was sent to me free of charge for testing purposes only. Not paid**

 

Catch Up Post

hey ya’ll, how are ya doing?

I know it’s been awhile since my last post but life has been a bit crazy and this is actually the first time I have even been on my computer in a solid 2 months! Crazy I know, but I have missed writing random things down so much! So I figured I would do a little catch up on my life post! Hope you enjoy!

Let’s start with school. I can finally say I am officially a Senior in college at Mississippi State University. I passed all of my finals and even ended up with a C in Spanish 3, not really sure how that happened but hey, I’ll take it! No complaints from me on that one considering I was failing the class when I went to take the final. I guess pulling all nighters to study really do help, so there ya go kids, take that however you would like. Starting in August I will be taking 3 face-to-face classes and 2 online classes, so I can continue to work at The Biscuit Shop here in Starkville!

So far this Summer has been pretty eventful. My mom and I went on a vacation together for the first time since I was 8, so that was a lot of fun. We went on a Carnival Cruise to Cozumel and Progresso. A lot of things happened on that Cruise, if you would like a separate post on that let me know! I have tons of pictures that I would love to share with you! I can tell you one thing, it was AMAZING.

I made a kinda big “adult” decision this past week, I adopted a kitten from the local animal shelter. I named him Ash and he is the cutest kitty in the world. I love him more than anything. He loves to play with other animals and loves to cuddle. He gets Hangry too, so I guess that just means he was meant to come home with me because we are able to relate about that A LOT. lol

In just 3 days my best friend who I met while doing the Disney College Program is flying to Mississippi to stay with me for 5 days! We are going to Memphis for the weekend and I cannot wait! I’ll be posting A LOT on Snapchat so if you do not already follow me, I will leave all social media accounts at the bottom of this post!

I hope every single one of you are having a great summer! Let me know what you are doing for fun!

SnapChat: marygc12

Twitter:https://twitter.com/MaryHorwin

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/thee_real_mc/

I have some ideas for new posts but if you would like anything specific let me know!

Mary.

 

March Favorites

I felt like doing something a little different for this post. I’ve never done a favorite’s list before so I hope you like it!

Health/Beauty

1. Tresemme Beauty-Full Volume shampoo and conditioner. I tend to only wash my hair every three days. The reverse shampoo and conditioner system is amazing. It leaves my hair soft, and full of volume. I am 100% in love with this product!
2. Size Queen mascara by Too Faced. This mascara has quickly become my go to mascara. I have thin, short lashes and this mascara leaves them looking long and full.
3. Water Bottle with time markers on it.                                             This is a strange one but it is one of the water bottles that has times written on it to make sure you know how much water you need to consume by a certain time. I am completely loving it right now since I am trying to drink at least 80 ounces of water a day. It gives me a goal and I am able to see when I reach it! I would definitely recommend investing in one! I got mine off of Etsy for around $20 I believe?

 

Music.

1. 21 Pilots. I have had there album on repeat lately. Lane Boy and Stressed Out have to be two of my favorites.
2. Making Memories by Ollie Green and Josh Devine. This song is the perfect driving around with your windows down song. I am loving it!
3. Troye Sivan.                                                                 Have you listened to his new album Blue Neighbourhood? I am OBSESSED with pretty much every single song on that album.  WILD, FOOLS, COOL, and YOUTH are my favorites.

 

Random.

1. YouTube. March was the month of watching YouTube videos for me. I was down in the dumps a lot this month but watching different YouTubers definitely helped. Joe Weller, Zoe Sugg, SacconeJoly’s and Grace Helbig just to name a few. I need to watch their videos because I know they will put a smile on my face when I’ve had a bad day.
2. Etsy. A majority of my money lately has been going to Etsy. I am all about cute little crafts BUT I am the least crafty person in the world.. I cannot even draw a straight line. So I find cute stuff on there and can help a small business, it’s a win-win situation.

 

I hope you liked this post. Let me know what you loved in March!

See y’all in the next post! 🙂

 

 

 

An Open Letter to One Direction

I just want to start with a simple thank you. The last 5 years have been amazing, you have changed my life without knowing it. You have been here through the good and the bad. So once again I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You have done so much for me without even knowing it. From connecting me with the best friends I could have ever imagined to just being that shoulder to cry on. The music you have created over the last 5 albums have saved me more than you will ever know.

You have created this family that I never knew I would be able to have. You brought millions of us together while just being yourself and that is all I could ever ask for.

I met my best friend on Twitter because of you, and to this day I don’t know how I would survive days without her, so thank you.

I have been able to be myself more because of you and this family that has been created, I was always scared to do that because I didn’t want to be judged as that 22 year old who listens to One Direction, or that person who would fly to another state for 1 day just to see you live. But with the support of this family that has been created by you I don’t feel the pressure to be something I’m not and that is probably the best feeling in the world.

I feel like I am rambling like crazy because there is so much I want to say to you and I just don’t know how to put some of these emotions into words. It’s hard when you have that one group that has changed your life forever but they will never really understand that at all.

I know I talk about this family that was created because of you a lot. That is what I see most of us as. We are more than just fans of some band, we have come together to do amazing things, we are a family. Of course there are some crazies, but every family has that crazy uncle, that we have to put up with.

I don’t even know where this is going anymore, so I’ll leave this here, for you to read.

I hope you have a good week and please come back soon. I miss you more than you will ever know.

 

 

time for a rant

body shaming.

Why is that even a thing? Who do people think it is okay to say someone is “too skinny” or “too fat”?

Are people really that insecure about themselves that they have to pick on others? You have NO idea how what you say about a person will effect them. You don’t know what that person is going through mentally. They could be fighting something internally about the way they look.

They could be going through anything and when someone says “he/she is not perfect” it could hurt them a lot more than people realize.

I personally have had the mindset that I do not look like the media says I should, I have battled those thoughts before. I still to this day, will sometimes think that no one will ever love me because I don’t look like the girls in the magazines. but you know what, I have taken the healthy approach to this things, instead of starving myself or purging, I am eating healthier, going to the gym 4 days a week, drinking a ton of water, and getting enough sleep.

I do struggle with “bad thoughts” sometimes, so when I see others being body shamed it hits close to home. I don’t think I will ever understand why people think it is okay to talk so much shit about a person’s looks. It is wrong on so many levels and we even have these so called “role models” who think it is okay to talk shit about other celebrities on Twitter or some even in interviews and it is just wrong.

I think this is enough rant for today.

I just needed to get that off of my chest because it has been weighing on me for a few days now.

Do you agree, disagree, want to add something? Well then let me know in the comments below.

I hope you have an amazing week.

 

Mental Health

I am sitting at my desk, crying. real tears.

Today was not a good day. I haven’t had an attack in a few months, I thought I was better. Little did I know I was no where near better.

It came out of no where. I was sitting in class about to take a really important test, when all of a sudden I couldn’t breath. I was terrified.

It got worse as everyone stared at me while I was hyperventilating and no one even asked if I was okay, they just went about their business. Making me feel like I was completely alone and helpless.

I never thought I would have an attack like this in class, but they come out of no where and it is the worse thing ever. I don’t even know what caused this one. All I know is that it scares the absolute shit out of me and I had to sit there, in a class of 160 other students and take a test. I couldn’t leave or I would not be able to take my test and I think that made it worse.

It has just been a bad day. It’s 8:10pm. I should be studying for my Philosophy midterm that I have tomorrow but I can’t stop crying. I am terrified. Anxiety is the worse thing I have ever had. I just want it to go away. Someone please make it go away.

I don’t know if i will ever post this. I just needed to get this out of my system. I have anxiety and have had it for as long as I can remember. It is something I deal with every single day. I am able to fake it a lot when it comes to being happy. I honestly don’t know the last time I was truly happy.

Which scares me more than anything.

I have to physically make myself get out of bed every single morning, and it’s not because I’m “lazy”. I am scared of what might happen during the day that could trigger a panic attack. I don’t leave my house on the weekends really at all. I don’t like to make plans to go out with friends, I don’t even have that many friends to start with and the ones that I do have live no where near me.

I try not to let my anxiety rule my life but it is getting harder every single day. Some days I just think I should give up.